ok, this is it… the
March 26th, 2003ok, this is it…
the end of the affair…
this is the second time my computer dies in less than a month! c’mon, damn it, do you have to be a wintel guru just to be able to install a bunch of multimedia programs and do websites, movies, interactives and animations? yesterday some fucking download (i believe) change all my users privileges, and then win2k could not restart, a stop error. so instead of making myself useful to the world by applying all my knowledge of whatever i know how to do, i have to spend days deciphering win-lingo, to be able to setup as a pro-master-geek-shell-programmer my bloody user priviledges, a firewall, norton fucking antivirus, and whatever else i’m missing right now, but i’ll need in about, er…, two weeks when this lousy excuse of a computer decides to die again, this time i hope by natural causes, and forever!
damn silicon in general, and particularly that which runs wintel blood on their circuit veins…!!! (ok, i’m overreacting, but it feels better than the alternative)
so now i have to reinstall everything from scratch, redo all (fortunately just one, but really, really important!) my unbackupt projects, and pray to Holy Mary of the Blue Screens to salve me from any fucking mistake i can do (and that’s a thousand a minute, with the feedback quality wintel has us used to).
one good thing out of this, i think i’d better change jobs, better, change workline… i might become a writer (ok, sorry, obviously not a writer, ergo excuse moi). maybe a critic, or a enterpreneurial mind, or a carpenter. anything that can be done by hand, and without silicium. a painter, a secretary, a mailman…
last time, when i told people that my computer crashed, they were so insensitive! they did not feel my pain, nor my sorrow, my desperation… they told me “oh my…” and continued their lonesome monologue (of course, i was not listening at all, i was lingering, hurting, mourning alone). then later i realised they meant no harm, no inpoliteness, they really did not understand what the word crash meant to me. i told them yesterday they cut my hand, the right leg and tree quarters of my left eye. they heard as from today, i cannot longer read my mail, nor chat with all my online-acquainted digital-invented pathetic abroad friends about the weather, and exchange emoticons a hundred an hour to demonstrate how much we care for each other. that’s what computers mean to them.
so i feel oversucked by my laptop, and for being a prosthetical device, it really has too much control over all the rest of my body (not to mention my ephemeral life and emotions). this has to be ended, one way or another. (maybe or another, since just the fact that the first thing i did was to get connected and write all this crap online means i’m doomed, and merry about it).
long live virtual pain, and cybersadomasochism.
(i need a girlfriend, some bucks, and a mac!).