danny

skies above they watch over me. i engrave in my life another phrase. it is your name i faint on the marble. forever or for tomorrow. and who cares, since you’re here, and i’m happy.

todos son olores tuyos, todas son tus sensaciones, hoy, dia en que por fin te gane, si asi se pudiera decir.

esta guerra que me carcomía, que me incineraba cada día, uno detrás del otro. guerra contra quien, si una guerra se puede librar solo, contra quién, contra uno mismo diría yo. todos los olores son tuyos, todas las sensaciones son de ti. te siento en todas las esquinas, sueño con olerte da per tutto. sueño con no perderte nunca, con que tu realidad se vuelva la mía. con tu olor hermoso de cien mil lilas, con lo que esas cien mil lilas jamas causarán en mí, con tu incontinencia de mí.

el sueño se vuelve histérico y elocuente, eres parte de mi realidad. para hoy y para siempre, si el segundo me permite soñar por una última vez. y que me lo permita, que lo sufrido me da el valor, el coraje, y la soberbia. porque al fin, sino del todo pero al fin, aunque te me quiten de encima y yo rabia, y yo odio y venganza y amor, eres, finalmente, en el sollozo y la euforia, simplemente mía.

como lo soñé hace mil noches, o ayer. cuestión de dialéctica.

i want to stop time. i want to stay here, the way i am, with whom i am, doing the things i’m doing now. i am suffering from time vertigo. please let me get down the train!…

busy like an bee, i’ve been these days.

i just finished my first delivery for the project i’m collaborating online with ivrea. been going out with friends, long time friends that i haven’t seen for a long time. been dillucidating the awkward corners of the visa immigration italian damn law. been signing contracts, designing websites, redoing my business cards, and growing afraid of a future that even though i desired once, now comes towards me as distance between beloved ones and myself.

(i wish i had read more)

it seems that happiness has a price. the price of the wait. the lapse, the gap that aparts one moment of happiness from the other, la larga espera, the longing, the lingering, the daydreaming.

at the end emotions are like drugs. and i’m sure somebody could come and tell me that emotions are actually drugs. they behave in such a similar way, the leave traces on ourselves similar one to the other. the biggest an emotion gets, the deeper the bounce will be. the higher we get today, the lower they’ll find us tomorrow, if they find us at all.

you will beg for happiness, you’ll kill for it. and you’ll die in your own life just not to feel the pain, the lacerative whip of unhappiness.

cowardly roaming our most inner thoughts, our most deeper nerves, feelings they are. amorphous trolls and fairies that lie and loath in the greenness of our souls, trespassing our every move, our simpliest thought. they’ll reign for today, and tomorrow will destroy what was built before, in the name of their lords and gods. with incessant randomness, they capture us from the moments, the plans, the meetings and discourses we arrange with our life, and suddenly display a flamboyant round of fireworks, just to take us into the depths of anxiety, dispair or ecstasy.

but if we could take them outside and look at them, we’ll be more than astonished of our discovering: they look like us, smell like us, talk like us, and they blame us for their own anxieties, despairs, and deepest ecstasis.

life can be a joke, mostly when seen from the past. like what we have today was a huge scherzo yesterday.

life does not care about us. life gives us what we deserve. and that’s a good thought, since it makes me believe i deserve all that i have today. maybe tomorrow i’ll be beyond hope, roaming the streets for bread, but today i’m a rich man. the wealthiest man that ever lived. tears will secure it someday, but now it is my truth, and i will grab to it as if it was the last truth on earth. i don’t even want to talk about it, but then i’ll explode. and i need to linger till tomorrow, i have to survive my own happiness.

i hope i deserve so. i pray i do.

niña, i thank life for you.