danny

Hold on love
Even when I cry all night
Even when I say I don’t love you
Just hold on love
So my head gets a little cloudy
And the drink goes straight to my heart
Then the words come like a runaway train
In the dark
Just hold on love
Even when I scream and fight
Even when I swear I don’t love you
Just hold on tight
And when the darkness falls over
Like a storm cloud in my head
Something inside says it’s easier
To push you away but stay and
Hold on love
Even when I cry all night
Even when I swear I don’t love you
Just hold on love
Just hold on love
Just hold on love

— Hold On – Azure Ray

le rire n’est jamais gratuit : l’homme donne à pleurer mais prête à rire.

je pense à toi beaucoup.

je pense à toi, mon jolie rêve perdu, je pense à toi beaucoup. je pense à toi et j’imagine jouer avec tes chevaux, je ferme mes yeux et je veux tes yeux, ta bouche, tes doux lèvres, tes fermes jambes, tes hanches, tes seins, ton exquisite derrière, ton jolie sourire, ta felicitè tojours, toute toi. est tu à la prémière chose que j’y pense au matin, et à la dernière chose que j’y pense à la nuit, quand je me couche. et n’est pas vrai, car alleur je te rêve, beaucoup de nuits. et est à toi que je pense quand je me trouve bonheureux, joyeux, et est à toi que je pense quand j’ai envie de planger. je pense à toi même entre cette jungle d’erreurs ortographiques que ne commencent pas exprimer ça que j‘éprouve pour toi, ce que tu me fais sentir, ce que tu me fais, ma petite enfant adorèe.

je pense à toi beaucoup, toi ma belle fleur, toi mon jolie rêve perdu.

am i? sure i am.

and it says “sometimes you’re a little antisocial”

via andra (thanks!)

“He sat stiffly, hearing the small sound of something being set carefully back down (the penguin on his block of ice, perhaps), his hands clasped tightly on the arms of the wheelchair. He had re-injured the ribs he had broken riding after the doctor three nights ago, that was obvious, but it wasnt just pain that made his eyes blaze from his whitened face like that.”

(this is what spammers are sending these days. if they only used good excerpts from interesting books, included more of a chapter in each e-mail, and promise to send the next chapter on the next spam, i might not delete them… at least automatically… out of curiosity!)

go to peeyush.wordpress.com/tag/jokes/
you’ll get it.

Marriage is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treatsme like toxic waste.
-David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
-Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
-Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?”
-Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Anonymous

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
-Henry Youngman

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
-Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
-James Holt McGavran

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.”
-Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
-Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
-Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
-Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Anonymous

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
-Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

In a Bangkok temple:
“IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.”

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
“LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.”

Doctors office, Rome:
“SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
“DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
“CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.”

On an Athi River highway:this is the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi.
“TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.”

On a poster at Kencom:
“ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.”

In a City restaurant:
“OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.”

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
“DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.”

In a cemetery:
“PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.”

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
“GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.”

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
“OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.”

In a Tokyo bar:
“SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.”

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
“THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.”

Hotel, Japan:
“YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.”

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
“YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.”

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
“IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.”

Hotel, Zurich:
“BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.”

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
“WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?”

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
“GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.”

In a Swiss mountain inn:
“SPECIAL TODAY – NO ICE-CREAM.”

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
“WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.”

A laundry in Rome:
“LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.”

WHITE WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get terrific head.
Second Date: You get even more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you’ll marry her and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you’ve already realized nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She’s pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father’s girlfriend’s mother, her two cousins, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and and rice for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but looks like a home along the Tijuanastrip.

ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date: Guy is shot dead.
No third date.

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’s wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”