back to the abyss
July 27th, 2007at the end it is all about money. oh my, life can be lived with so little, but not here, but not now.
i’ ve been broke for longer than i remember. it has not been easy. lonliness comes roaming down to me, friends and good moments seem so far away. i’ve been living a life that does not make sense but in the novels, i might as well start writing and make some money out of not having any. but i don’t know how to write.
the depths of the soul are layered. they come one by one and visit you and you tremble. and then suddenly you feel a little breeze, a hit of air that lifts you centimeters and just when you feel saved, redeemed from the loneliness and despair, a new hole opens up and swallows you, deepest saliva numbing and sucking you to a new darkness, a deeper place inside you, the one you always denied: yourself.
we’re made of many faces, manifold and complex as the air and the sea. the brief illusion of coherence keeps one alift for the time it takes to all demons to build up and strangle back, tentacles surrounding, piercing, sucking into your bones and tissue and heart and rendering you human again, multiple and complex and chaos again.
fear takes the mob to call science and name you a name that locks you behind a soft door inside soft walls inside a hard shirt,a nd they’re saved. and you’re back on the only company you know; million thoughts, million forces, million voices inside your worthless and tired breast. back to the abyss.
the abyss of you.