danny

“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

— Max Ehrmann (attributed)

eccomi qua, a trovare me stesso e le mie raggioni per scegliere ancora la vita che ho gia’ scelto per me…

e ancora mi sento solo, solo da non bastarmi le persone, i momenti, le raggioni. solo da non bastarmi me stesso. solo da dover rivisitare ogni angolo dentro me e pulire le ragnatelle e la polvere, e cercare il patrone di quello che c’era prima.

io sto bene, cmq, e mi ritrovo attraverso te. perche mi scrivi so che c’e’ ancora quello spazio dove posso essere vicino a le persone che voglio bene, e quello mi riassicura in una ricerca che non so dove va ne da dove viene.

le tue parole mi fanno sentire bene, a casa per un secondo, e per adesso e’ abbastanza, sofficente.

t’immagino ad essere una con te stessa, a dare e ricevere tanto di quello che ti mancava qua, a ritrovarte pure te, e sono contento. ma oltre le contentezze ragionevoli, son contento perche sei contenta.

mi manchi come l’acqua, ma so che sara’ cosi’ per un po’ e poi, man mano saltero’ di nuovo sui miei binarii, e continuero’ avanti.

inspirato da te, angioletto che mi sa dire dove il nord.

grazie mille, fino alle sottili lacrime di uno che non riesce ad espressare quello che ci ha dentro. grazie mille per essere comparsa nella mia vita.

she came out again.

a shadow then a form, then a silhouette then a face then a smile then an overwhelming feeling.

she has been inside for so long. she has a room, a little room, one lamp, a couple of pictures, one glass and some water. i imagine she reads a lot. i have not seen her do anything else, i have not even seen her read.

she sits there and she watches me, from the inside. she glances to my every move, my every breath. she smiles and giggles, then she disappears. i don’t see her doing these things, i just know. she watches me from the inside, a smile in her face, a smile that embraces all me, my feelings and my thoughts. i’m transparent to her, and that makes me sad.

she watches me, but she does not say a word. she could talk to me, she has the power and the grace, but she decides not to. and i succumb to her silence.

she watches me. she watches me when i go to work, when i read a book, when i drink coffee. she watches me when i drink and when i get drunk and when i stumble, alone, in those deserted, dark streets. she watches me when i go to bed, beaten and defeated, longing for company, or a gesture of comprehension. she rests immutable.

she watches me when i kiss, when i make love, when i desperately look for a cigarrette, when i don’t smoke. she is there in my bed, in my table, inside my computer and usualy inside my head, my chest my legs my eyes my fingers.

i don’t see her, i don’t feel her, i don’t hear her. until she comes out, like today.

then, suddenly, all feelings are here, all perfumes are here, all things are here. she’s the aleph, she’s the zahir, she’s the eye in the sky. for a minute or so, all stars shine to her light, all seas wave to her moves, all birds sing with her voice all winds blow her scent to me.

all i can do is sit and, silently, cry.