danny

she came out again.

a shadow then a form, then a silhouette then a face then a smile then an overwhelming feeling.

she has been inside for so long. she has a room, a little room, one lamp, a couple of pictures, one glass and some water. i imagine she reads a lot. i have not seen her do anything else, i have not even seen her read.

she sits there and she watches me, from the inside. she glances to my every move, my every breath. she smiles and giggles, then she disappears. i don’t see her doing these things, i just know. she watches me from the inside, a smile in her face, a smile that embraces all me, my feelings and my thoughts. i’m transparent to her, and that makes me sad.

she watches me, but she does not say a word. she could talk to me, she has the power and the grace, but she decides not to. and i succumb to her silence.

she watches me. she watches me when i go to work, when i read a book, when i drink coffee. she watches me when i drink and when i get drunk and when i stumble, alone, in those deserted, dark streets. she watches me when i go to bed, beaten and defeated, longing for company, or a gesture of comprehension. she rests immutable.

she watches me when i kiss, when i make love, when i desperately look for a cigarrette, when i don’t smoke. she is there in my bed, in my table, inside my computer and usualy inside my head, my chest my legs my eyes my fingers.

i don’t see her, i don’t feel her, i don’t hear her. until she comes out, like today.

then, suddenly, all feelings are here, all perfumes are here, all things are here. she’s the aleph, she’s the zahir, she’s the eye in the sky. for a minute or so, all stars shine to her light, all seas wave to her moves, all birds sing with her voice all winds blow her scent to me.

all i can do is sit and, silently, cry.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 7th, 2007 at 00:07:39 and is filed under thoughts.